I am from Trump country. I grew up in Trump country, went away to college, moved abroad, then moved back to Trump country. Most of my neighbors and co-workers voted for Trump. I knew they would be voting for him before the election and while it was painful I had some peace of mind because while we live on the rural Eastern Shore we are still in the very blue state of Maryland. I was pretty confident in a Clinton win, and while knew I would have conversations about healing racial divides, I thought those conversations would come as the “winner.” I was not thrilled with a Clinton presidency but I did not think I would have the fear I feel today.
I understand Trump voters and I deeply love many Trump voters. People who are from the Eastern Shore are ridiculed in Maryland. DC and Baltimore people, I love you too, but you know you sigh and shake your heads at our “backward ways.” You can’t understand our accents or our conservative values. While I live on the Eastern Shore I also live in one of the richest counties in Maryland, so our county is pretty rich. Worcester County has Ocean City and waterfront properties. We have a lot of money that comes in from real estate and tourism. But this money comes from a very small part of the county and the wealth is held in an even smaller number of hands. If you drive down Route 113 out of Ocean City and towards Snow Hill (or Slow Hill as many like to call it) you will find small family farms.
My neighbors are the subjects of jokes, experience the reality of poverty, but receive no sympathy. They are white. They don’t want to hear about their white privilege when they live paycheck to paycheck, right on the poverty line, and literally work sunup to sundown. They work hard and believe if they just work hard enough they will succeed. This idea is central to their self-worth, because as others like to point out, they have white privilege. Which they do; I’m not denying that. But to them, the message of white privilege also says, if they are not succeeding, it is their own fault. They had no institutional racism standing in their way. If they are not succeeding they are the lazy ones, the unintelligent ones, the lesser citizen. So they deny white privilege. I understand the situation is more complicated and there are other dynamics, but this is one major dynamic in my community. My community has not felt that it has a voice. It is a group of Americans with conservative values and not much money living in a rich county in a very blue state. So they voted for Trump.
Yesterday, the day after the election, I took a mental health day. I did not know how I was going to go to work and be nice to my neighbors. I was angry and did not know how I would continue to love my community or speak kindly. I wanted to lecture them on how they voted against their own interests and demand they explain to me how they are not xenophobic, misogynist, and racist. I went through so many emotions yesterday. I yoyo-ed between boiling rage, sobbing tears, and hope. My poor dog must have thought I lost my mind.
But I need to be hopeful. I am an optimistic person and am most productive when I am hopeful. I
want to have faith in our democracy. I need to believe that our country can work together to heal racial divides. Today I went back to work. Today I spoke to my Trump supporting neighbors, whom I still love. I gave them hugs and then had hard conversations. Most of my co-workers avoid political conversations with me because they know we generally disagree. I have allowed people to avoid these conversations for the sake of their comfort but I won’t allow it anymore. I told them even though they voted for Trump I still love them. We will still be friends but I need you to understand why I am hurting. I am hurting because I am afraid. I am not, and have never been, afraid of a Republican presidency. I am afraid of a Trump presidency. I am afraid of our president elect because of the very real threats he has made against women, immigrants, Muslims, and people of color. I am afraid of Mike Pence and his desire to take away rights of LGBTQ people and reproductive rights. I am fearful of the white supremacists who feel emboldened by a Trump presidency. I am not scared for myself. I have a lot of privilege and economic power; I will be fine.
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