When I graduated from college I lived in Guatemala. It saved me. I was one of those activists in college. You know, the ones that you sometimes avoid because they make you feel guilty. Not always intentionally, but you feel guilty for not doing enough. I was busy - planning something, writing something, doing something. I was also angry. I was angry at my friends who did not care as much as I did. I was angry at unjust systems and inequalities. I was angry with government officials. I was angry at the world. My anger was fuel. Whenever I became exasperated, or just too tired, I remembered my anger and it helped me keep moving. It helped me keep fighting.
Then I moved to Guatemala, angry. In the beginning it was hard for me to understand the worldview of the community I served. The community that served me. I saw them as apathetic and complicit in unjust systems. Their acceptance annoyed me. I learned how wrong I was. Their silence was not weakness, it was not silence at all. My community embraced me as an outsider, they loved me. They had a sense of community loyalty that was so beautiful it baffled me. Guatemalans were really good at forgiving. The real kind of forgiving where the situation is never brought up again. It is not forgotten, just forgiven. Guatemala taught me how to forgive and it saved me. It freed me from the anger I carried in my heart that was quickly turning into hatred. I did not want to hate. I fought that hatred and tried to overcompensate with a love that was paternalistic in many ways. In Guatemala I learned how to let go of my anger and love genuinely. Guatemala saved my life.
That was four years ago and since then I have been living a happy life, full of love and forgiveness and empty of anger. I have felt light and free. I have also felt antsy and empty of passion. This summer I felt a spark of that old anger and quickly tried to subside it and instead filled my heart full of love and forgiveness. It worked for a few months. Now I am angry again. I am full of the same anger and passion I used to feel in college and I am relieved. For a while I was scared I would turn into someone who went through the motions of life. I am trying to find a balance between overwhelming anger that consumes me and turns to hatred with an anger that is born out of love.
Martin Luther King, Jr. preached about the danger of a well-adjusted life. There are some things in our world to which we must be maladjusted. He also said “human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.” I believe the racial prejudices and discrepancies in our world is something to which I must be maladjusted. I am angry about these injustices out of love for my neighbor and my love for humanity. I will remember my love for my black neighbors, my brown neighbors, my white neighbors, and my neighbors that are police officers. This not a fight of black against white, or black against cop. This is a fight for the future of our country. The future that does not depend on a military strength or a police force that is given more and more “draconian power” without being held accountable.
I hear white people say, “civil rights happened over 50 years ago.” I say, “Wake up.” Yes, we have made strides in many ways, but we have backtracked in others. Don’t ignore white privilege. Don’t ignore the need for a hastag such as #blacklives matter. A lot of people want to criticize the hastag #blacklivesmatter and say #alllivesmatter. Yes, all lives matter but you are clearly missing the point. It is unfortunate but true that we must say #blacklivesmatter to remind people of their humanity. I saw a tweet that said, “WTF is the impulse behind changing #blacklivesmatter to #alllivesmatter. Do you crash a strangers’ funeral shouting I TOO HAVE FELT LOSS!” This is funny but accurate. Please don’t invalidate the experiences of your neighbor. We can close our eyes to their pain and suffering, but Dr. King also said, “A riot is the language of the unheard.” We can not treat people of color as third rate citizens and not expect something to happen. People can only take so much.
Don’t live as a conformist. Please don’t adopt a worldview that is ambiguous and scared to make a statement. Don’t fill your heart with so much anger there is no room for love. Don’t look at people as entities or things. Don’t look at individuals as a collective. Look at them and see their humanness. Have the strength to understand your neighbor’s pain, their loss. Have the strength to speak out, to act with your neighbor. Have the strength to love. Not the fake, self-serving love, but radical love. The kind that brings you tears full of pain and joy at the same time. In the words of an Aboriginal activist, “If you have come here to help me, you are wasting our time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.”
