I Tremble on the Edge of a Maybe

Tomorrow I leave for something new, a beginning. While I still have one week of languge school left in Xela, I will meet my family and placement on Saturday. Here is another poem that we read the first day we where here that I like a lot that I wanted to post.

I Tremble on the Edge of a Maybe

O God of beginnings,
as your Spirity moved
over the face of the dep
on the first day of creation,
move with me now
in my time of beginnings,
when the air is rain-washed,
the bloom is on the bush,
and the world seems fresh
and full of possibilities,
and I feel ready and full.

I tremble on the edge of a maybe,
a first time,
a new thing,
a tentative start,
and a wonder of it lays its finger on my lips.

In silence, Lord,
I share now my eagerness
and my uneasiness
about this something different
I would be or do;
and I listen for your leading
to help me separate the light
from the darkness
in the change I seek to shape
and which is shaping me.

Our Trash

I think I can honestly say I decided to come to Guatemala for a year because last March I heard one woman's story. Her name is Alta Gracia and she currently works at the Francisco Coll School. Yesterday I went back to the Francisco Coll School and was able to hear her story again, with a few additions. Many of you who read this blog have already heard her story, because I often refer to it. But I am going to tell it again.

The Francisco Coll School is located at the edge of the Guatemalan City dump. All the garbage from Guatemala City goes into this dump. Parts of the dump have been covered over the years, and that is where the school and homes of the students is located. Over a dump. The school is privately funded by International Samaritans and the Presbyterian Church, Canada. The school has 302 students and goes from 1st grade to 6th grade. Guatemalan law is that if you are behind in school by more than two years, you can't be in lower grades in public schools. Francisco Coll has permission to allow older students in younger grades. All the parents of the children work in the dump, and many of the children work in the dump too. The school also has a program for adults and teenagers to learn how to read.

Alta Gracia makes the snack at the school at has been working there since it opened, 15 years ago. Before she worked at the school she worked in the dump for 12 years. From the dump she would obtain all of her family's furniture, clothing, and food. Everything they had came from the dump. Working in the dump means that you dig through the garabage looking for items you can use, but also for items that can be recycled. People take those items to a recycling plant right next door to the dump, and are give money. Alta Gracia made 5 quetzales a day or 55 cents a day. This money went to buy powder to make tortillas, but there was none left over to even buy manzanilla tea to drink. They had to drink dirty water. One day Alta Gracia found a piece of meat in the dump and brought it home and cooked it. She and her three children ate it, not realizing it had been posioned. Her children were hospitalized for 3 months, and she was hospitalized for 6 months. She was pregnant at the time and gave birth in the hospital. It is truly a miracle that her family survived, and they she got the job at Franciso Coll. All of her children went to Francisco Coll and now two of her daughters are about to graduate from school to be teachers, and one of her sons is a mechanic.

While we were walking around Alta Gracia also showed us a tent village in front of her community and even closer to the entrance of the dump. She said 1 or 2 days ago people moved into this empty land and set up makeshift tent homes. The rule in Guatemala is that if people occupy a space for 2 or 3 years then it is their's permanently. People have to organize and move into a place all at once so the police can't move them out without causing a huge riot. The new community had set up homes with some tarps and sacks hanging over a few poles. It looked like, and essentially is, a refugee camp.

Alta Gracia has an amazing story and it is easy to see how God has worked in her life. What made me mad last March, and what still makes me mad today, is how her story is an exception. There are still so many people who depend on the dump for less than subsistence survival. Their family members die from eating bad food or not having access to care. They don't get new jobs and their children never finish the 6th grade. That is the story of most people who work in the dump. I feel angry at the economic systems in place that force people to live these lives. Economic systems that were put in place by "the first world" or the USA and Europe. Economic systems that developed countries refuse to change because it benefits them, without caring about the consequences. I am angry.

I Want to Believe

I do not believe in the right of
the one who is stronger;
In the language of weapons,
Or in the strength of the powerful.
I want to believe in the rights
of the people,
In the open hand,
In the power of non-violence.
I do not believe in race, in wealth,
in privilege,
In the established order.
I want to believe that
all people are people;
And that the order of power
and injustice
Are in fact disorder.

I do not believe that war
and famine are inevtiable,
And that peace in unreachable.
I want to believe in the simple act,
In the love symbolized
by the joining of hands,
In peace upon the earth.
I do not believe that
the dreams of humanity
will reamin merely a dream,
And that death will be the end
I dare the believe the opposite.
Always and in spite of everything
I dare to believe in the new humanity.
I dare to believe in the dream of God:
A new heaven; a new earth
where justice will exist.
~ Waldensian Church Rio De la Plata (translated)

The Gomez Family

I have been living with the Gomez family during my time in San Juan. They are an incredible family and I greatly respect everything they have been through in their lives. Vinicio is the father, Olga the mother, Vinicio the older son, and Fabio the younger son. Vinicio Jr. is married and living in Dallas Texas. Vinicio finished high school and then completed three years of university. He has had a friend, Benjamin (the director of Appe, my language school) since he was 9 years old. He and Benjamin lived togther in Costa Rica for a time while Benjamin was in seminary. He never finished. Then they both started working for the Peace Corp teaching Spanish to the volunteers. During that time Vinicio told Benjamin they should open their own language school in Antigua, outside of San Juan where they grew up. A few years later Benjamin decided to leave the Peace Corp to open a language school and asked Vinicio to come with him. Vinicio was married with a child at that time and needed to stay with the Peace Corp because it was a steady income. Eventually he left the Peace Corp and now works at Appe. Olga is an amazingly strong woman. Currently she is battling osteoporosis and has to get a daily injection that costs 300 quetzales per injection. She has to get 30 total. 300 quetzales is large fortune. Earlier in her life she battled a brain tumor and cancer. Or her brain tumor was cancerous. I believe Vinicio was telling me about two different ailments, but I can't always trust my translations. Olga often gets sick, and is really sick right now. She has been in bed since Sunday morning and today is fairly chilly, which makes her bones ache more. I love seeing Vinico and Olga interact together. Vinico helps around the house a lot, which is unusual for a Guatemalan family. He washes dishes and helps clean. I don't think he cooks, and I have never seen him wash clothes, but he is more helpful than most Guatemalan padres. He has not gone to work this week because he has wanted to be home with Olga. In so many other situations Olga's husband would probably have left her by now. All of her illnesses and operations have been very expensive, which would cause many men to leave her because she is a drain on the household instead of an asset. I love to see the love and compassion Olga and Vinicio have for each other, and how progressive their relationship is.

Last night Vinicio was telling me how greatful he is to God and all the miracles he has blessed his family with. Olga has survived many illnesses, and even though everything has been so expensive, and her injections are still expensive, they have been able to make ends meet. They live in a house that is on the water line in San Juan, so it is very rare that they don't have water. Currently our shower is broken, but we still have water. When they bought their house they had no way of knowing it was on a water line. Slowly they have been able to expand on their house and make it pretty. Olga has a garden that rival's my own mother's, just smaller. God has blessed them and hopefully they will be able to realize their future dreams. Olga wants to open up a small store in the front room of their house someday, and build a new and bigger kitchen so she can teach the students who stay in their house how to cook and make tortillas. Vinicio hopes these things can happen, but only God knows the purpose and path in our lives.

This is something that I constantly need to reminded of. Obvioulsy we have control over the choices we make, which guide our lives, but I need to make sure I am listening to God's path for my life. If you had asked me two years ago if I would be a missionary for a year I would have told you no way. I hope that this year God will continue to bless my life and give me the guidance I need to make appropriate decisions for my future paths.

My feet stink

I made a friend in San Juan del Obispo. It is a small street dog whom I have refused to name. She follows me around everywhere, but not for food. Really she just wants to be loved and around people. She came to school with me for a few days and became really protective of the school and would bark at the construction workers next door and any dog that would come in. She is so tiny that she would never win a fight anyway. Once one of the chickens pecked her and she started crying. I have not seen her in a couple of days, and both my teacher and madre told me they think she was adopted. She is very friendly, loving, and protective, so she would make a good house dog. I don't know if they are just trying to make me feel better and really something bad happened, but I am choosing to believe the happy ending story.

I have not showered in almost a week and my feet perpetually stink. The water in my house has been coming and going the last week and now that we have water, the facuet in the sink is broken. I really hope it is fixed sometime today so I can finally shower. I don't shower here as much as I did in the states, and even in the states I tried really hard to conserve water. Water is a really scare resource here, and highly expensive. I have been trying to only shower every few days unless I am sweaty or expetionally dirty. In most homes there is only one bathroom for many people, so showering every day not only uses resources, but inconviences everyone else. In my home the toilet and shower are outside, so I am only using the shower and the toilet is still free for other people to use, which is nice. My family only consists of my padres and hermano and one other volunteer living with the Gomez's.

Last night Olga's (mi madre) sobrino (nephew) was confirmed in the Catholic Church. We had a party at our house for him and his family. Often my house is very quiet because there are so few people living there, that it was nice to have a lot of talking, laughing and commotion happening. Emily (another YAV) and I like to laugh about how my hermano always has a mischevious look in his eye. Like he is always in some kind of trouble or about to get into trouble. In reality I think he is a really good kid, but he certainly has that look...

This week has been relatively quiet because Marcia was in Coban last week so we did not have many afternoon adventures. Tuesday morning we will be going to Guatemala City to visit CEDEPCA and then Wednesday we might be going into the city to visit the Francisco Coll School, and school on the outskirts of the city dump where most of the children's parents work. Thursday morning we leave Antigua for Xela. We will visit all the YAVs placements and families, and then we will spend one more week of language school in Xela. After that I will be moving to San Marcos where I will be for the rest of the year.

I can't believe I have been here for a month tomorrow...

A Very Busy Week

This week went by so quickly. Last Tuesday we did not have school because it was Guatemala's independence day. Since I have arrived in Guatemala there has been bombas going off and fiestas everyday. On Tuesday all the YAVs went into Antigua to watch the parades. Basically each school put a little performance together and they walked through the hot streets. We only stayed in Antigua for a couple of hours because, honestly, the parades were boring. San Juan del Obispo, the small town were I am living, had a very lively party with fun traditions. Families make up their own baskets of food and bring it to the central park and sell tamales, icecream, tostados, tacos, etc. The fiesta started with a man who made a speech. He talked about all the problems Guatemala is facing. He told the people of San Juan that even though they may not be facing the same problems as much of the country, they have a responsiblity to help solve the problems in their country. He also said the people need to be advocates for bringing peace to Guatemala and to the world. Even though Guatemala has a lot of problems, they still can't ignore the problems of the world. I have never heard a speech on the Fourth of July that highlights the problems of America. The Fourth is about celebrating how wonderful our country is and how far we have come. I feel it is really important to acknowledge what we have done, but what we still have to accomplish. We can celebrate our country but still make sure we are moving forward, which is what the man was trying to do. I heard about a special tradition in San Juan. They set up this huge pole and collect money and stick it to the top of the pole. All the young boys then try to climb this slick pole to the top to get the money. It could be very dangerous but no one has gotten hurt enough to stop the tradition. This year it was a 12 year old boy who won 300 quetzales. I unfortunatly missed out on the fun because I went home for dinner, but I heard about it the next day from my teacher.

Thursday we spent the afternoon in Guatemala City visiting an Immigration Organization. They mostly work with people immigrating to Guatemala, but I learned about why people immigrate in general and all the human rights violations that occur and how much people are taken advantage of.

Friday afternoon we went and had lunch with Corazon de la Mujer, or Heart of the Woman. Both times I visited Guatemala with Queens we visted this group of Mayan women, and everytime the visit is special and heart wrenching. The group is comprised of Mayan women from different indigenous groups. During La Violencia they were forced from their homes and relocated to Chimaltenago and found each other to try and cooperatively solve their problems and create better lives for their children. The women now have a weaving co-op and sell their products to different groups. Because I want this blog to focus on sharing the stories of the people I hae met, I am going to share the three stories that were shared with me yesterday.

Maria:
Maria's family fled from their home because the army was frequently coming into their pueblo and recruting men for the civilian patrols that carried out many of the atrocities during the war. Maria's mother-in-law was killed by the soliders when they fled and they were never able to collect her body in order to give her a funeral. They lived in the woods for two years eating roots, berries, and fruit. They would get their water from the streams and only had enough sustanance to survive. Today it is causing many people to have gastrointestinal problems and people are dying from those complications. During this time Maria's husband tried to find work in Guatemala City and then they all moved to Chimaltenago. This was very difficult at first because they did not speak Spanish well, they just spoke their indigenous language. People did not know their family, so they did not trust them nor did they want to give her husband a job. The army then told the Mayas that if they turned themselves in, they would be granted immunity and no longer targeted. Maria's family went and "turned themselves in" to the army but they were all rounded up and sent back to their pueblos were they army could monitor them better. Maria's family went back to Chimaltengo, where they still live today.

Bernardo
Bernado lived in Chichichicastengo before her family had to flee from the army. When they army came her entire village fled into the woods where they lived for two months. The army caught her sister, who was 8 months pregnant, and cut her stomach open while she was still alive. They mutilated to fetus of her baby and then cut her tounge out and tortured Bernardo's husband before they killed them. Many people died of hunger during those two months in the woods because there was no food they could eat, they only had water from the stream. Bernardo had a baby daughter at this time who would often cry because Bernardo was not able to generate enough milk to feed the baby. Many people told Bernardo to kill her daughter because they crying would give their location away to the military. Eventually Bernardo found her way to Chimaltenango and Heart of the Women, who helped her learn spanish and get established.

Maria Adelaida:
Maria was one year old when the army came to her pueblo. Her mother tied Adelaida to her back and in each of her hands she had one of her children. While they were fleeing Adelaida's father disappeared. One of Adelaida's siblings was also lost during the flee. Her mother managed to get her family to Chimaltenago, but was often unable to provide for her children. Adelaida only went to school until third grade because she was embarrassed that she was so much older than the other children and that she never had new clothes or new shoes. She dropped out of school and started working in a clothing factory so she could provide for herself and no longer be a burden on her family. When she was 17 she got married hoping her life would get easier. She married an alcholic and had two daughters with him. He was also killed by the military. Adelaida was left with two daughters to raise by herself so she had to move home. She started an herbal remedy business and decided she wanted to go work in the United States. She tried to find legal means of getting to the United States, but was cheated out of a lot of money by a con man taking advantage of people wanting to immigrate. By wanting to get ahead, Adelaida was pushed even further back by the system. Adelaida joined Corazon and was given a scholarship to finish school through the sixth grade and since has been able to travel around Guatemala and Central America with her herbal remedy business. She would like to continue with school, but she is also helping her daughters finish school. In Octuber she will be going to the United States to visit Queens and participate in the Guatemala reunion.

I think it is important to tell these women's stories because we should not pity them. They have powerful stories and are even stronger women. It is important to recognize that the United States played a huge role in the civil war in Guatemala. The United States sponsored a coup of a democratically elected president and then financed the army and provided them with torture training. While we are not directly responsible for the atrocities that happpened, we are responsible to our government, and must hold them accountable for the actions they engage in.

The women expressed sorrow that Guatemala has sent soldiers into the middle east because they know innocent families are experiencing the same things they went through. Every time I visit these women I am filled with different emotions. I have never really been a full advocate of non violence. I have always wanted to avoid it at all costs, but could understand why guerillas decide to resort to violence. One of my favorite theologians is Dietreich Bonhoffer, who was apart of an assisnation plot to kill Hitler. Lately, I have really been thinking about non-violence, and find myself moving towards the philosophy. I do not think there is any end that could justify the atrocities that happend to Heart of the Women, and hundreds of thousands of other Guatemalans. With violence and war there is so much suffering that can not be justified, ever.

The Chicken Bus

Let's talk about the chicken bus. It is called the camioneta and are old US school buses that no longer meet US codes and are sent to Latin America. These buses are painted and decked out by the owners of the bus and they have all kinds of pictures and stickers on the inside. On market days (Monday, Thursday, Saturday) these buses are packed to the brim. There are at least three people to a seat with babies and toddlers sitting on laps. There are people packed together like sardines standing in the aisles and somehow more people manage to squeeze on at each stop. The buses park at the market and men get on selling candy, icecream, healing creams, and religion. It is really interesting getting on the bus early just to see all the vendors. Then the bus gets going and drives all around the city of Antigua picking up more passengers. These drivers are crazy and run around turns, drive fast, and slam on the breaks. Then a man manages to squeeze his way through the aisles collecting the bus fair, which is about 7 US cents. These men have incredible memories because they have to collect a few times throughout the ride and they always remember who has paid, who has not, and who they owe money too if they could not break a bill. I am starting to become familiar with some of the buses and bus drivers. The driver of the Carolina bus is crazy and I do not want to be standing during that ride. The Mickey Mouse bus is the worst. I have to sit down and close my eyes the entire time or I will vomit. All in all, the chicken bus is an interesting experience (reminding me of the dalla dallas in Tanzania) and I will be excited to compare Antigua camionetas to ones in Xela and San Marcos.

We Are The Story

Thursday afternoon after classes all the YAVs traveled to Guatemala City to visit Dennis Smith, a Presbyterian Mission co-worker who has been living in Guatemala for over 30 years. We talked about current events happening in Guatemala and things we should be aware of throughout the year. We also read a speech by Ivan Illich, who criticizes Americans who go to third world countries to "help." It is important for us to be aware of the potential harm we may cause when we go into unfamiliar places without fully understanding the culture, language, and history. When we do missions it is often about us and what we hope to gain from the experience. Dennis told us that this year is going to be about us because realistically we are not going to "do" anything. We will help solve any of the problems we see, and even though we are all in placements working towards alleviating problems, we will not even make a dent in the larger problems. Dennis said that this year is about us because we are the stories, we are the accumulation of the stories we have been apart of and other people's stories become apart of us, and our stories will become apart of others. This is the greatest gift and something no one can take away from us or even deny about our year here. So, this blog is going to be my story throughout the year, and the stories of others who will hopefully become apart of me.

Estoy en Guatemala!

I am finally in Guatemala and have been here for a week. This post is going to be really long because I want to talk about a few things that happened during orientation. I will also apologize for weird puncuation and spelling, I need to get used to the keyboards here and spell check does not work in English.

Orientation was held in Stony Point, New York and all the international and national YAVs were present. We were given a lot of information on a variety of topics and issues we will face throughout the year. We had one lecture on globalization that Rick Ufford-Chase, the director of Stony Point, gave. He talked about how our system of global economics has created a system of instutional injustice. This system benefits the privledged, those who live in the "center," but keeps the poor powerless and stuck in a cycle of poverty that is virtually impossible to stop. Rick challenged us to live out the social gospel and actively stand against instutional injustice. We are all complicit in allowing these systems to continue and grow. This talk energized me about my year and affirmed I am in the right place to further learn about these systems and how I can learn to actively stand against institutional injustice. It is impossible for a person of the center - which i am- to become a part of the borderlands. It is because I am of the center that I can experience the borderlands. What I need to learn is how to keep on foot in the center and in the borderlands.

We left Stony Point at 3 am to catch a 6 am flight to Guatemala City. For the first three days we stayed in an old Catholic monastery, which is now a Catholic retreat center on the edge of Antigua. We spent the first few days getting aquainted with Antigua and getting to know each other. We started language school on Thursday and moved in with our host families for the month. Thursday was exhausting because it was a day entirely in Spanish. My language teacher does not speak English, which is good because I have to use spanish entirely. She understands a lot of English, so if I really have to ask a question in English I can. I am living with the Gomez family. My host dad´s name is Vinicio, mom, Olgo, and brother Fabio. Vinicio is a teacher at the school and is hosting two other students. I have already noticed I am understanding more Spanish, although I have trouble with tenses. I am not speaking much better, but I am sure it will come with some more time.

Yesterday - Saturday- all the YAVs climbed Vulcan Pacaya. It was an hour and half climb up fairly steep terrain. We then climbed up lava and were able to get incredibly close to the lava flow of the volcano. We all commented that in the US you would never be able to get that close, even if you signed your life away. From the volcano we could see all around Guatemala and the many mountains and volcanoes. It was truly awe inspiring. Climbing up and down the lava portion of the climb I was slightly afraid for my life because the rock was not at all sturdy, but it was incredible. A lot of people live on the volcano and gain their income by having their children beg, sell walking sticks, or rent horses to take you up. Many dogs followed us up the lava portion of the climb because they know tourists bring marshmallows to roast over the lava. These dogs are so skinny and it is heartbreaking to see them. It is heartbreaking to know they are so skinny because the people living on the volcano are also starving. I am torn on how to handle these situations. Parents take their children out of school because they know they can make money begging and selling sticks. Tourists feel worse for children and give them charity. If that were not the case, the children would have a higher chance of getting more education. The dilemna is that they beg because they have no food. I don´t know how to handle those situations because even if I don´t support child labor, everyone else does. How can I solve such a huge problem and what is the best course of action. I feel so helpless, making me frustrated, and yet I am not nearly as helpless and the people living on the volcano, and since I am from the center I am not as helpless as most of the world.