*This post is very disjointed and not very coherent. That is because I don't really know what I am looking for nor what I want to say. I'm posting anyway because it is a start and I all have to start somewhere.
I started this blog when I moved to Guatemala as a Young Adult Volunteer in 2009. I was not very good about blogging while I was there and today I only occasionally update it with new posts. Mostly my posts are for myself; a way to sort through my tumbled thoughts. I gave up Facebook for Lent, not because I think Facebook is bad, nor because I spent too much time reading status updates. My goal was to be more thoughtful during the season of Lent. I wanted to send handwritten cards to people instead of "Liking" a post or writing a hurried a comment. I wanted to spend time reading and writing on my blog.
Well clearly I have done an excellent job. All my other blog posts were incredible, well-written and insightful. I'm so sorry the evil blogger fairy deleted everything. Okay, so I have not updated my blog. I have mailed handwritten notes and delivered baskets of baked goods but I have not really fulfilled my Lenten intention. On Sunday I made myself sit down and read scripture and be alone with my thoughts. I realized what I was really looking for was an "encounter" with God.
I don't like the phrase "encounter with God." Maybe because it reminds me of the weekend encounters where my evangelical friends would try to take me. They succeeded a few times and they were memorable but maybe not in the ways they were intended. I also imagine sitting on a rock in the woods or on a mountain cliff praying and doing zen-like things. Neither of these images really appeal to me but I am looking for some sort of interaction. For the past few years I have felt stuck in my faith. I have not really felt it grow in the way it did during college, while in Guatemala, and after returning. Last year I went to Colombia and that experience challenged and pushed me. I have some amazing friends that challenge and push me. But I have not challenged and pushed myself. Well, not very hard.
I try really hard to live a good life and be a conscientious person but I can be a lot better. I allow myself to be lazy too often. Don't get me wrong. I love lazy days where the most important thing I have to do is brush my teeth and feed my dog. I think they are necessary for the soul. And your knees/joints if you enjoy running. I don't like to run but I do enjoy jogging (which means I never time myself and runners always pass me). I need to find ways to be more active in my very small community. I need to challenge my mind through reading difficult texts and researching current events that are important to my morals. For the rest of Lent I am choosing to be an active participant and whoever out there is reading my blog will get to read about my new discoveries. That is unless the evil blogger fairy decides to sabotage me again.
