Dear Laila Rae,
I love you. I told you once you were the first person I ever loved more than myself. For a long time you were the only person I loved more than myself. You taught me how to love a person fully, in all their complexities. You have taught me so much over the years and have shaped the person I am, and continue to become.
I have always admired the way you move through this world. You were a baby that was first described as colicky. You screamed a lot and only wanted to be with your mom. Yes, I would have loved to snuggle with you but I also loved that you advocated for yourself from infancy, even if that was in the form of turning yourself blue from screaming until your mom appeared. As a toddler you started to show more affection for certain people, and I was lucky enough to be one of those people. You ignored anyone you did not want to engage with and while most of the world did not understand why you were not a sweet and compliant little girl I admired how you brushed off the criticism of others and stayed your own unique self. You don’t question your significance or deal with the self-esteem issues so many of us struggle with.
You are still mostly non-verbal but you communicate your emotions better than anyone I know. You exude love and joy from every fiber in your being. I have never known anyone who loves as deeply and fully as you. You love without prejudice and do not expect for the people you love to be anyone other than their fully flawed selves. You share your love freely and fiercely and those who have the privilege of being loved by you would never question that your love is unconditional. You bring so much joy to a room and there is a reason you are the favorite of all your teachers. I don’t think you have ever told a lie and I don’t think it would ever occur to you to lie.
You see the world differently than most people; you see it without the assumptions and expectations most of us place on others and on the world. You have taught me that assumptions, both good and bad assumptions, can be harmful. I have learned to avoid labeling both people and things in the world and instead approach others and the world with an open mind, and a mind that is willing to change previously held beliefs.
Over the past year I have experienced a lot of changes and I do not think I ever would have been able to navigate those changes without having learned so much from you. In the past year I decided to commit myself to sharing my life with a partner, we got married, and are expecting a baby boy in July.
If I’m honest, I’m not sure I ever would have found a partner I was willing to marry if you had not been in my life. You taught me how to compromise and levels of patience I never knew I possessed. You taught me how to stay calm when I was incredibly frustrated. You taught me to see the world differently and question beliefs I held firm. You taught me how to change my mind, and to see that I am a better person for it. Without these skills I never would have been able to navigate the challenges of partnership to share a life with another person. These skills have also taught me to be a better friend, neighbor, and citizen.
While I am excited to bring a new life into this world, I am also terrified. But I also know that I will love this little boy unconditionally because you have taught me what that looks like, and what it feels like to love and be loved deeply and fully. I also feel grateful he will have you as his cousin, and you will teach him so much about how the world should be, what the world could be. You will teach him to be his own unique self, you will teach him how to give and receive love, and you will show him joy. You will teach him how to move through the world without prejudice and you will teach him how to ignore the unrealistic expectations and assumptions of others.
Laila Rae, this year I want you to remember that you make the people around you better humans and you make the world a better place.
Love,
Aunt Whitney Rae
