I have seven different half started blog posts on white privilege and racism. I believe you get more with sugar than vinegar and I try hard not to belittle people or guilt them into the feelings I want them to experience. It is not effective. It belittles people and no one wants to feel belittled. I try not to point finger or offend. So, all my attempts on this topic fall short because my posts end up not saying much of anything. If I offend you, I am truly sorry. Yes, I am speaking to my white audience. Most people who read my blog are white. I am an upper-class, 27 year-old white girl. I was raised in the center of white privilege. This post is not about belittling; I want to explain what I see everyday. If you feel angry or guilty I ask that you investigate what you might be holding on to that is invoking those feelings.
Sunday, August 10, Michael Brown, an unarmed African American man was shot by a police officer. On Monday, August 11, Ezell Ford, an unarmed African American man was shot by a police officer. On Tuesday, August 5, John Crawford, an unarmed African American man was shot by a police officer. Thursday, July 17, Eric Garner, an unarmed African American man was placed in an illegal chokehold by a police officer and died of asphyxiation. These are
only a few examples among hundreds. They are not isolated instances and it is not a police problem. It is a societal problem and the burden falls on us all.
Maybe you are thinking, “I’m not racist!” I put an exclamation point there deliberately. I used to be that person. Then I opened my eyes. I have racist tendencies. We all do. People who have spent their lives working on race issues will tell you they have racist tendencies. Racism is everywhere in our society and we have to acknowledge it, no matter how painful and uncomfortable it might be.
I’m going to give a personal example about my family. My sister has been dating the same man for ten years. In January they had the most beautiful baby in the entire world. Dajuan is black. Lauren is white. Laila is perfect. When Lauren first started dating Dajuan and friends would ask about her my mom would always say, “Well, Lauren is dating a very nice black man.” I am not using this example to belittle my mother. My mom is awesome and one of the most welcoming people in the world. If you have ever met her you have felt her love. But it is an example of my white upper-class world. I asked my mom, “If Lauren was dating a white dude would you say, ‘Well, Lauren is dating a really nice white dude?’” Of course not. First, Mom felt she needed to warn her friends that Dajuan is black, and then she had to preface the fact that he is black with, “he is very nice.” The implication here is that most black men are not nice. Dajuan’s niceness is the exception. My mom had to justify Lauren’s relationship to her white friends. This is not because my mom’s friends are mean or openly racist. It is what society expects her to say. To explain when no explanation should be necessary.
This is one example in my life among thousands. I used this one because the one small comment has so many implications. I have had to catch myself multiple times not to say the same thing. I have to remind myself that racism sneaks into my words everyday and I have to be better. I have to acknowledge the implications of white privilege in my life and that is scary. As I have been reading different articles and blog posts different questions have been posed and my answers made me uncomfortable.
1. Do you have any neighbors that don’t look like you? No, I don’t.
2. Do you have anyone on speed dial that does not look like you? No, I don’t.
3. Have you talked to your kids about how to behave in the presence of police? I don’t have kids but I don’t remember my parents ever having that conversation with me. I bet Lauren and Dajuan have talked Dajuan’s 10 year-old son, Marquise, about it.
4. When I go shopping, am I followed around the store? Nope. Only when the salesperson is hoping for a big commision.
5. Do people assume you are intelligent? When you use big words does it invoke surprise? Yes. No.
6. Are you worried the police will shoot you or a loved one? I have never once worried that the police will shoot me but I think about Marquise everyday. Marquise is an incredibly intelligent (he skipped two grades) and respectful young African American male. Despite his intelligence and respectful nature I worry about how society treats him. I worry he will be shot by the police.
I also have to acknowledge that the privilege that allows me to answer no is at the expense of people of color. I also have to acknowledge sometimes I close my eyes to the suffering of others. It would be a lot easier to lay on the floor and snuggle my dog. But I am drawn to a quote from Martin Luther King Jr. In this quote MLK is responding to a question about his mistakes as a civil rights leader and he replies: "Well, the most pervasive mistake I have made was in believing that because our cause was just, we could be sure that the white ministers of the South, once their Christian consciences were challenged, would rise to our aid. I felt that white ministers would take our cause to the white power structures. I ended up, of course, chastened and disillusioned."
I’m a white Christian. I have a lot of problems with the white church and it’s (non) stance on race issues. Many issues for that matter. But in this quote I think the white church can be symbolic for white society. Reading this makes me feel ashamed but white society is not ashamed of our non actions or privilege. We hold on to both with a death grip. We dismiss slavery. We claim credit for ending Jim Crow. We ignore incarnation rates which has rightly been termed the New Jim Crow. We ignore the ghettos and deny segregation. We do this because we silently benefit. And then we deny those benefits.
We fill our newsfeed with the ice bucket challenge and Robin Williams. We feel offended by black bodies. Some of you may be screaming at me. Many might have stopped reading. But it’s true. We can continue to ignore this truth and white media will continue to demonize color. We will continue to assume black and brown equal bad. We can convince ourselves we don’t have room for African American experiences. We have no room to feel ashamed. But we have to feel a collective shame in order to chose to be something better. What can we do? I have read a lot of lists that were good and challenging but there was one challenge that struck me the hardest as a Christian.
Being a Christian is not supposed to be easy. It should be really fucking hard. I don’t curse often but I felt it necessary to emphasize my point. The challenge I heard was “risk death.” Maybe that sounds extreme but if we are to seriously consider the Gospels that is exactly what Jesus tells us to do. Over and over again. Risk death in the face of injustice. This does not have to be literal death. It is the death of our reputation. There are a lot of people who will not like what I am saying. They might defriend me on Facebook and in real life. It means risking the death of our worldview and privilege. Risk the death of our comforts so we can try to understand what people of color risk everyday by simply existing.
I want to be committed to racial justice but I am guilty of simply reading and writing. I am guilty of having a few “token black friends.” Reading, writing and thinking are important but it is not the journey. It is a step and now I have to really step outside of my comfort zone if I want reconciliation. I have learned and grown the most when I have put myself in uncomfortable situations. I want to be better. I want a better world for my niece and nephew. I want a better world for my own potential children. I want a better world for my neighbor. I want a better world for the stranger, who is my neighbor. A just world will not create itself; I have to be apart of the movement. In order to create this I have to be better
